Shit On A Stick

The Demise of Flair and Creativity

Cover. Jorge Alberto Francisco Valdano Castellanos [1955-].

Preface

This text is replicated from an article by Sid Lowe, English Teams Are Robbing The Game Of Skill, Says Valdano [2007].

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Synopsis

Marcela Mora y Araujo

In the perennial debate between romantics and pragmatists, [Jorge] Valdano has always been an outspoken romantic. As football becomes increasingly about athletic speed, Valdano's comments retain relevance. In a sense, all he [is] really saying [is] that the day when the game becomes the equivalent of American football, with two coaches masterminding 11 robots programmed to choke the life out of it, is the day we all switch off. Much better to have a sport that constantly confounds and delights. But the jury is still out on whether the impact of his remarks gain so much notoriety because he's from 'the continent' – as one commentator observed: 'If Kevin Keegan or Stuart Pearce had made the same comment, would they have been condemned as philistines unable to appreciate the finer points of 'foreign' coaching methods?'.

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Shit On A Stick!

The former Real Madrid coach and World Cup winner Jorge Valdano has attacked Rafael Benítez and Jose Mourinho, insisting that they are ushering in a bleak future for football and likening the Champions League semi-final between Liverpool and Chelsea to 'a shit hanging from a stick'.

The Argentinian, who scored in the 1986 World Cup final and has a respected reputation as a football intellectual, claimed that Mourinho and Benítez mistrust talent because of their own failure to make it as players and said their approach is bad news for the game. Writing in Spain's best-selling newspaper, Marca, Valdano insisted:

'Football is made up of subjective feeling, of suggestion - and, in that, Anfield is unbeatable. Put a shit hanging from a stick in the middle of this passionate, crazy stadium and there are people who will tell you it's a work of art. It's not: it's a shit hanging from a stick.'

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'Chelsea and Liverpool are the clearest, most exaggerated example of the way football is going: very intense, very collective, very tactical, very physical, and very direct,' he added. 'But, a short pass? Noooo. A feint? Noooo. A change of pace? Noooo. A one-two? A nutmeg? A backheel? Don't be ridiculous. None of that. The extreme control and seriousness with which both teams played the semi-final neutralised any creative licence, any moments of exquisite skill.

'If Didier Drogba was the best player in the first match it was purely because he was the one who ran the fastest, jumped the highest and crashed into people the hardest. Such extreme intensity wipes away talent, even leaving a player of Joe Cole's class disoriented. If football is going the way Chelsea and Liverpool are taking it, we had better be ready to wave goodbye to any expression of the cleverness and talent we have enjoyed for a century.'

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Valdano explained why Benítez and Mourinho were to blame for the demise of flair and creativity. 'The lives of Mourinho and Benítez have crossed in a world that is ever more scrutinised and exposed by the media, which is why they look at each other with such distrust,' he wrote, 'but they have two things in common: a previously denied, hitherto unsatisfied hunger for glory, and a desire to have everything under control.

'Both of those things stem from one key factor: neither Mourinho nor Benítez made it as a player. That has made them channel all their vanity into coaching. Those who did not have the talent to make it as players do not believe in the talent of players, they do not believe in the ability to improvise in order to win football matches. In short, Benítez and Mourinho are exactly the kind of coaches that Benítez and Mourinho would have needed to have made it as players.'

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Postscript

Marcela Mora y Araujo

His remarks caused a furore, with many English football fans taking offence and Rafa Benítez himself appearing hugely indignant in Spain's press.

One year ago, shortly before both teams met again on a Champions League stage, I had reason to discuss the impact of the written word with Valdano. He explained that he had originally started his article with the words: 'Some shit hanging on a stick in a New York art gallery could come across as a work of art. A bad football match played at Anfield could come across as a decent match ...' and chuckling went on: 'But the article had the problem of length, right? I had to write exactly 495 words and I had 600. I started trimming and ended up with 'shit on a stick at Anfield could pass for a decent match'.

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'For me, football has to do with a sense of adventure, with risk, and he who respects that makes me feel supportive of his team.'

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'I'm not trying to justify myself. I'm not making excuses. It was what I wrote and obviously it can sound disrespectful, which is why I apologised a week later. But I still maintain the essence of the article: I think that the Liverpool v Chelsea match was unworthy of the level we're at ... it was a match where intensity won over precision.

'I felt it was a betrayal to Liverpool's history,' Valdano said. 'I remember a wonderful banner in the Liverpool stands from the days when TV was in black and white – it read: 'For those of you watching on telly, Liverpool are the ones with the ball'. I used to support Liverpool just for that. For me, football has to do with a sense of adventure, with risk, and he who respects that makes me feel supportive of his team.'

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